We have been looking at Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and specifically at how husbands can show love to their wife. Dr. Eggerichs uses 6 basic areas to express how a husband can do this and they follow the letters C-O-U-P-L-E. We have been looking at closeness for several weeks and we are going to finish up that topic today.
When it comes to finding closeness the problem is often boiled down to the differences in a man and a woman’s ideas of what closeness is. A man can feel close to his wife by her being in the car with him or sitting with him when he is watching a ballgame. A woman usually needs a little more than that to feel close to her husband. Usually a woman needs either words or a simple touch.
So, what are some simple ways that you can actually do where your wife will feel close to you?
- Holding her hand – The simple act of holding your wife’s hand when you are together can be a great way for her to feel close to you. Whether you hold her hand when you are in church, or at a movie, or just sitting on the sofa, this simple act invokes a lot of good memories from back when you were first dating. Holding hands can also help her to feel safe and that everything is okay.
- Giving her a hug – A hug acts much like holding her hand in that it creates a safe environment. A lot of times when a wife is upset or down a hug is the tool that is most effective in letting your wife feel close to you. It also seems to help your wife recover faster from an issue.
- Affection without a sexual end goal – This one includes holding hands and giving hugs, but goes on to incorporate simple kisses and touches that may occur throughout a day within small encounters with your wife. To be clear, these are intentional moments where you show your wife some attention during the day just because you love her. While these are not touches that are necessarily suggestive or sexual in nature, they can often lead to greater sexual intimacy when that time arrives.
- Create an atmosphere – An act that reminds your wife of your dating days often lets your wife feel close to you. This can be by seeking her out, setting up a date night, or creating a romantic setting.
- Going out of your way for her – A simple thing like taking care of an errand for your wife will make her feel close to you. Maybe it is making a run to the grocery store for a few items needed for supper or looking up some information that she may be interested in. Going out of your way to maybe take care of something that she usually takes care of is a great way for her to see that you are looking to help her and that you are on her side.
- Make her a priority – A guy typically is just as comfortable alone as with his family, so anytime you make it a priority to spend time with your wife or family is a gift to her. It can be as simple as watching a special TV program with her, going on a walk with her, or just forgoing something that would take you away.
- Let her hear your heart – Seems pretty obvious but guys do not do a great job of expressing their hearts. Guys don’t really do well with words in general. Letting your wife know that you love her and why you are attracted to her is a huge closeness tool that probably stands above any of the others listed. I used to tell my wife that if my love changes for her I will let her know and for the most part that is how I feel, but a wife really needs her love cup to continue to be filled up. Making intentional time to share how you are feeling and making time to listen to what is going on with her is one of the best ways for a couple to bond and conquer the elusive closeness challenge.