I have been blessed to be married to a great wife, but even though she is pretty close to perfect for me there are still times when she makes me angry. How can I go about confronting her about my gripe in a spirit of love and truth?
We often view confrontation as a negative word. Too often when we have a sensitive issue with our spouse our view of confronting them is to let them have it. This should be the exception and not the rule. We do need to be able to let them know they have done something we view as wrong, though. If we can confront them in the right way, our actions can be a platform for change.
How do we confront our wife about a problem with a spirit of love and truth? Here are some ideas to help you get through the conflict.
Make sure you are right with God before you confront your spouse. First, we need to make sure that we have our own life in order before we choose to confront our spouse. It could be that the plank in your own eye could be keeping you from seeing your own problem and you may not have a right motive to your concerns.
Pray for your wife. Let God know that this issue is a priority for you and pray that the two of you can work it out in a loving manner. It is also a pretty good way to lose any anger you may have at your spouse because you have asked for help from God and placed the issue in better hands.
Find a good time to talk with your wife. It is important that you find a time that is as soon as possible but affords you an interruption-free period to talk. Try to make sure you can confront her in a private location. The right place and time is imperative.
If necessary, confront your wife immediately. Sometimes it may be more important to speak what is right and stand up against a wrong immediately. The moment may demand it so that others may not be misled. This is to be used with much caution carefully remembering that this still needs to be conducted with a spirit of love and truth. This is not a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card to let your wife have it because she hurt your feelings.
Let any anger you have toward your spouse go. Confrontation should not be about telling your wife off, but gently letting her know that you have a problem with something. Let any venting or raised voices go before you attempt to confront your wife.
Start on a positive note. Try to begin by encouraging your spouse. Let them know that you love them and that you are there for them. Do not start off by immediately putting your wife on the defensive.
Begin with this question, “If I could share something with you that would help you, would you want me to?” Essentially you want to ask your wife for permission to share your gripe. If she replies with a negative answer, you may need to reevaluate and try to confront her at a later time when her attitude has changed.
Tell your wife what your issue is. In as clear a way as possible, explain to your wife the way that you understand the issue. Also, be sure to allow for your interpretation of the issue to be a misunderstanding that you may have. This is not the blame game. You need to remember that you just want to tell your wife the issue that is bothering you without any anger or raised voice.
Ask how you can help your wife with the problem. Your wife needs to genuinely know that you are there to help her. Make sure she knows that your motive is out of love for her and not to try to hurt her. Once again, she needs to know you are there for her right then and on the same team.
Confront her confidentially. It is extremely important that you keep the problem between you and your spouse. Never betray a confidence. The damage you could do would be much greater than the superhero status you might feel you could get by sharing around the water cooler.
Pray with your wife. Right there after you confronted her, go to God together in prayer. Pray that the two of you will use this conflict to make your walk in the Lord stronger and that the conflict will not be taken advantage of by Satan.
Conflict? Yes, you are going to have it. Use these tools to get through a conflict and you might just be better off on the other side of it.