Today’s post is from Rick at RomanticHusbands.com. Rick decided to come up with a list in response to the post on Things Husbands Do That Make Their Wife Feel Unloved. Rick’s list explores items that a husband needs to do for his wife to feel loved by him. It is written in a list form and is definitely worthy to be included on the site. Take time to read the list, evaluate how you are doing, and work on any areas that you might need to improve on.
Here is my interpretation of action items that a husband can do for his wife to feel loved.
Earn your wife’s respect. A wife’s respect for her husband has A LOT to do with her attraction to him, not everything, but if she has no respect for him, even if she is sexually attracted to him, they will not have a sustainable relationship.
Earn your wife’s trust. A woman must see that she is safe with a man and he is trustworthy for her to be able to follow his leadership and respect him.
Have confidence in Christ. Have a clear purpose in life and know the direction God has for you.
Be a leader, not a tyrant, but lead selflessly with humility and godly wisdom. A good leader possesses many of the following traits:
• Ability to Delegate
• Sense of Humor
• Positive Attitude
• Ability to Inspire
Have a strong faith and trust in God.
Project a quiet confidence in yourself as a man.
Be relaxed and playful with your wife by helping her step away from the pressure and details of life. Be able to just enjoy being together.
Flirt with your wife in a gentle teasing way that honors Christ and her.
Know your talents and uses them wisely for God’s kingdom.
Be a spiritual rock that your wife can look to for spiritual strength and truth when she falters or is weak.
Develop a fervent private prayer life.
Be willing and able to have deep discussions about emotional/spiritual things (This is how wives emotionally and spiritually connect and feel bonded and close to their husbands. This is how wives perceive unity, oneness and intimacy).
Seek to please Christ, not people. Be unshaken when people have negative opinions about you as long as you are honoring Jesus.
Do not change yourself for your wife just because she wants you to change. Do not be putty in her hands. If you constantly change to please your wife at her every whim and you are not focused primarily on pleasing God, she will probably eventually lose respect for you.
Repent humbly when you sin against her or anyone else.
Stand for your convictions, even when your wife disagrees, even when she begs, and even when she lashes out at you. Do not be moved if you believe you are doing what God’s Word instructs you to do in love.
Lead a Spirit-filled life (Galatians 5:22-23).
Be genuine and humble. Be willing to admit you are wrong. Be willing to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Be aware that God’s wisdom is much higher and more important than your own wisdom.
Initiate spiritually, emotionally, relationally and financially.
Display a strong work ethic. Work hard to provide financially for your family.
Make time for your wife. Show her that she is important and that you cherish and adore her. Know it is important to provide financially but it is also important to provide emotionally, relationally, and spiritually as well.
Have a spirit of power, love and self-control.
Know God’s Word, LIVE God’s Word and handle God’s Word wisely.
Take every thought captive and do not allow yourself to be swayed by godless thoughts, lies, or the enemy’s attack.
Make sure your wife knows that you will take her feelings and desires into account.
Give your wife the opportunity to be vulnerable with you. Be willing to listen to your wife. However, don’t allow your wife’s feelings to sway your convictions. Do what you believe is right in the sight of God, even if she disagrees. THIS IS HUGE!
Be concerned for your wife’s well-being in every way.
Protect your wife. She needs to feel safe with her husband emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically, mentally and sexually (do not force yourself on her or dishonor God’s Word).
Protect her from herself sometimes, and protect her from others who would harm her in some way, even protect her sanity by giving her wise advice about not taking on too much. Protect her from any lies or deception that may be happening in her life.
Be steady, calm, and gentle when she becomes overwhelmed with negative emotions.
Help lead her out of her anxiety, fear, worry, sadness…
Know what to do when she is in an emotional or spiritual crisis. Hold out your hand to her to come to you and find offer her refuge under your wings. HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!
If your wife does become disrespectful, stay calm and gentle, and apologizes for any sin on your part. Then help her to get her bearings spiritually, calling her out on sin, humbly, gently, lovingly leading her back to truth and unity.
When your wife becomes angry and fires verbal bullets at you, recognize her heart’s cry for your love. Do not run away! Realize she feels unloved. Take the hit and come towards her, unafraid of her torrent of emotion, willing to take her by the hand, pray with her, ease her fears, and lead her to higher ground.
Be generous, especially to the poor, orphans, widows, the sick, and those in need.
Take responsibility for yourself spiritually. Do not let your wife feel like she has to “drag you to God.”
Take responsibility for yourself financially and be frugal and careful with money. Let your wife know she can trust you in the little things and the big things and that you are reliable and faithful to your word.
Be honest speaking the truth in love.
Be willing to gently rebuke and correct your wife when she sins.
Have a strong desire to pray with your wife, for your wife, and others. Ideally, lead her in prayer.
Have sincere love for your children.
Have a forgiving heart full of mercy and grace.
Be a mature adult and declare your independence from your parents. Cling to your wife. Make your own decisions but seek godly counsel.
Do not let your parents control you.
Some of these things you should be doing already. Others will develop over time as your relationship with your wife deepens. No man is going to do all of these things perfectly. Ask God if there are some of these things He would have you to focus on. Even just concentrating on one or two at a time can make a HUGE difference in your marriage! This is a lifelong process of sanctification and becoming holy.