Passivity is when a man does not act.  He does nothing, when he should act.  He probably thinks he is being patient, or a servant, or avoiding conflict and keeping peace – but that is NOT true!

When a husband is passive, his wife assumes things like:

  • he is not responsible enough to lead, so I have no choice but to take over
  • he is not capable of leading, so I have to take over
  • he doesn’t care about me or our family, so I have no choice but to take over.
  • he has no feelings
  • he is not hurt
  • he has no pain
  • he doesn’t need me
  • he is not angry or upset
  • he agrees with me
  • everything is fine with him, I”m the only one hurting in the marriage
  • he is unloving
  • I am alone in our marriage – this is NOT what I thought marriage would be!  I never knew marriage could be so painful and lonely
  • he loves the tv/computer/sports so much more than me and our children
  • he doesn’t care about God or love God much

These are NOT the messages you want your wife to hear!  They are DANGEROUS and toxic to the marriage and family.

Please notice, like one wife commented yesterday, “Passivity fuels a wife’s disrespect.”

PASSIVITY IS (in my estimation)

  • not answering a question for 15-30 minutes or more
  • refusing to make a decision and leaving the burden on your wife
  • not being involved in disciplining the children or playing with them
  • being parked on the couch or in front of the computer for hours every evening and being unplugged from the family emotionally and spiritually
  • seeing the sin your wife is committing and allowing her to continue on unchecked, doing nothing about it, just letting her charge on toward her own destruction and to continue damaging the marriage
  • not looking at your wife when she is speaking to you or asked you a question
  • never being involved in family activities
  • not being involved in the spiritual training of the children
  • leaving all the parenting and housework up to your wife
  • saying nothing all through supper every night
  • not taking initiative when you know the right thing for the family to do and you can see your wife making poor decisions, but doing nothing about it because it is easier not to rock the boat
  • letting your wife work herself to death on almost no sleep.  Sometimes we NEED you to tell us we have to stop and rest.  We will go until we destroy our health if you let us.  You can see what we need better than we can when we are completely overloaded, sleep deprived, and exhausted

Passivity looks like laziness, irresponsibility or apathy to us – it is impossible for us to respect that!