say something

Peacefulwife here. 🙂

One of the biggest issues the wives at www.peacefulwife.com talk about is how frustrating it is when they ask their husbands something and their husbands just never respond.

We have been exploring how men think and process emotions over the past few weeks.  I think the more that women can understand just how vastly different men and women are and how very different our ways of thinking and perceiving the world are – the more we can be understanding, patient and empathetic with our men.

MEN NEED TIME

We have been learning about how sometimes it takes men time (hours, days or weeks) to process certain big decisions or highly emotional issues.  And we have heard from  a number of husbands about how husbands don’t always think in words, and how difficult it can be to express their emotions in words.  We have also been learning from several husbands about how men work through an important decision and weigh out the consequences of each option and that it takes time to do this.

WOMEN DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT MEN NEED TIME

Unfortunately, many women do NOT get how different men are from us.  We are used to working through our emotions by talking.  Like – immediately.  And we desire resolution because we want reconciliation and we are terrified of losing your love.  We want reassurance that you love us and everything is ok.  We don’t like being left in limbo – that is SCARY.  We like to feel like we know what is going to happen.  We want to know the reasons behind decisions so we can fully understand them.  And when we approach a big issue or a very emotional issue from our feminine perspective, we have no idea how easily we overwhelm you with our words and feelings.  We think you think just like we do.  But you don’t!

HOW WOMEN THINK

Women generally know what their opinion is immediately.  I am not saying we are right!  But we usually know what we think right away.  And we want to talk about it right away.  And we want a resolution right away.  Sometimes we think that if we would just tell you all of our reasons why we think something, that you would see we are “right” and change your mind.  So sometimes we don’t understand that more word and more emotions are not better for a man.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

These are some of my personal suggestions, you can ask your wife what she might appreciate most:

  • If she asks you about a decision, and you need time to think about it – we will be much more likely to be patient and wait and give you time if you can acknowledge that we asked you a question and ask for the time you need to think about it.  
  • It would be particularly wonderful if you could tell us a time frame about when you would get back with us, and then come to us on your own about the issue at that time.  That helps us trust you and realize that you do care about us and love us.
  • If you need time to process emotions, please let us know and if at all possible, please tell us, “I love you, Sweetheart.  We are fine.  I just need some time to think.  I’m not leaving because I don’t love you.  I want to collect my thoughts and because I do love you, I want to take time so that I can handle  this decision in the best way for you and the whole family.”