Have you ever taken some time to try to do something special for your wife and have the gesture turn out all wrong? Was the problem that you were trying to show her you loved her in a way that you would feel loved? Often times we make a big effort only to find out that we were more impressed with our love than our wife was. What could be the problem?
When we do not understand how our wives feel loved we often times find that our efforts go horribly wrong. We may just be trying to show her our love by how we like to be loved. It would seem to make sense that everyone enjoys being loved. Back in the last couple of years, there has been a commercial that runs during NASCAR races where you can enter and be able to design the outside of a racecar. On one of those commercials, there is a funny bit where a little girl designs a pink car with baby animals on it and the driver walks around saying, “Everybody Loves Love!” While the statement is probably true, the problem is that everyone may feel loved by different ways. So, what may make you feel loved may be totally different for your spouse. In the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he outlines 5 ways that people feel loved. So we are going to look at some of those today. If you can figure out what way seems to be your wife’s love language, you can try to show her love in a way that she can really get.
Words of Affirmation
If this is your wife’s love language, she needs to hear you compliment her regularly. She will want to hear you tell her, “I love you” a lot, but being able to tell her all of the reasons you love her will really fill her heart up. She will love for you to tell her how much you appreciate the things she does all of the time around the house. One thing with people that need this type of love is that any negative feedback will be a much greater issue for them to overcome. They will be devastated by this criticism and will not easily forget it.
If this is your wife’s love language, your full, undivided attention during a significant amount of time each day is the perfect gift of love. This type of love does not have a lot of room for multitasking or sharing time with a TV or a computer. She wants to spend time with all of you and anything less will frustrate her and make her feel unimportant.
If this is your wife’s love language, the goal here is to provide your wife with gifts that show you have really thought about her in the process. The other key factor in this one is that you put some effort into it. She will often provide many clues as to what she needs, but she will be a big fan of surprises. The thing to avoid here is missing any type of special event such as a birthday or anniversary. This would definitely come across as unloving to her.
Acts of Service
If this is your wife’s love language, your wife will feel loved when you help ease the weight on her shoulders by helping get some things accomplished around the house. You can help her by asking if you can help or just taking care of things in the first place. The things to avoid here are being lazy or sloppy. These can make her feel like her feelings do not matter.
If this is your wife’s love language, your wife is probably a “snuggler”. She will live to have hugs, kisses, hold hands, gentle touches, and occasional soft touches on the back. These touches are all ways that she knows that you care. The absence of physical touch will make her feel neglected and alone.
So, what is your wife’s love language? Chances are that one of these will really stand out, but she may have a lot of the traits of most of them. Figuring which one your wife is and how your actions affect how she feels loved can go a long way toward your success in making her feel special.