This is the fourth post in the Terrible “Perry”bles series. This series stems from a Facebook post Perry Noble, former pastor of the megachurch Newspring, put out addressing some of the mistakes he identified that led to his personal issues. The first “Perry”ble I posted about was choosing isolation over community. The second “Perry”ble is choosing a vice over your wife and kids. The third “Perry”ble is choosing control over relationships. When I first read Perry’s post I thought that these are some issues that a lot of men are also dealing with.
The fourth Terrible “Perry”ble is choosing silence over crying out for help. Perry describes that he was in a very painful place. He says, “I allowed sinful thoughts to multiply in my mind, thus impacting my mind in ways that were both destructive and harmful. I believe the deceptive lies the enemy would whisper to me such as, ‘no one will understand,’ or, ‘you are the only one who has this issue.”
Can anyone relate to this? I know it is so easy to think that since we are men that we should just be able to take it. That maybe we shouldn’t show our feelings or if we do that would show that we are weak. All lies of the enemy that are easily believed.
Being silent when we are hurting is really a wall building exercise. Most of the time we are putting obstacles between us and the people we most care about when we stay silent and hold our pain in. Once we build up walls to those that care about us that leaves us vulnerable to Satan’s attacks. Maybe it opens the door to things that we think will ease the pain. Maybe we become susceptible to a drinking habit, porn, an affair, or any number of other vices that grab our attention at the time.
Perry describes this as, “I chose to remain silent which propelled me with light speed towards the coping mechanism of alcohol abuse. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. I was weak. I did not ask for help, and in the end the result was a train wreck.”
The problem with silence is that if, and that is a very big IF, you don’t somehow manage to succumb to a vice your silence has kept you from solving the original issue that started your hurt and pain. If you did stumble along the way, now you have multiple issues to deal with and the second may be much bigger than the first ever would have been.
If you are feeling hurt, lonely, or in pain in your life, your relationships, or in general get help and address the problem. The quicker you start taking charge of the issue the easier it is going to be to move on with your life. If you don’t feel comfortable breaking your silence with the person you originally felt caused your hurt, seek out a friend, pastor, or counselor that can help you get to a healthy place.
God will always be there for you and he can heal you from many feelings of pain or hurting. He will forgive when you have failed. Allow him to help you break the silence, address your pain, and move forward to a better time.