I had an idea for a post a few weeks back and as I was thinking about it my topics all started with an H. So, I thought maybe I could name it the 4H Club for Husbands. As I started writing the post, I decided it might be worthwhile to see what the real 4H club is about. When I was in school there were 4H clubs around, but they were not really big and seemed to center more around agricultural aspects of a community. I think sometime they were a much bigger organization when farming was very common amongst people living in the south and southeast United States.
As I looked at their website, it struck me how admirable their goals are so I thought I would list them for you to see.
Head, Heart, Hands, and Health are the four Hs in 4-H, and they are the four values members work on through fun and engaging programs.
- Head – Managing, Thinking
- Heart – Relating, Caring
- Hands – Giving, Working
- Health – Being, Living
The 4-H Pledge
I pledge my head to clearer thinking,
My heart to greater loyalty,
My hands to larger service,
and my health to better living,
for my club, my community, my country, and my world.
You know if we just took these 4 Hs and related them to our roles as a husband I think we would be doing pretty good. I want to go in a little different route though and give you what I think make up the 4H Club for Husbands.
It is vitally important that we let our wives know that they are desired and that we want to have physical contact with them. They need to feel secure with their relationship with you and the easiest way for them to know that is through your touch.
One of the biggest problem solvers I have found when things are starting to go sour in a discussion with my wife is just a big old hug that helps her know that things are going to be alright and we will do this together. A wife can be extremely upset to the point that trying to communicate is useless, but a hug may allow her to calm down and sometimes think clearly and rationally.
Using humor to break up the tension is a great way to ease up the stress during a discussion and gives both of you a chance to tone an argument down a little bit. Your wife has many windows open in her brain all of the time and sometimes having something that says that it is alright to turn down the serious button a little bit is what she needs to help her remove some of the weight on her shoulders. Remember to keep it funny. Don’t fall victim to using humor in the form of putdowns or personal attacks. A silly face or funny expression is usually all it takes.
You may not realize it, but it is crazy important that along with being a good husband you need to take care of this wife you have. It may not be fully obvious sometimes but she may need for you to help her make good decisions about her health. That means that you need to make sure that she gets enough sleep to function. A mom with young kids can find it almost impossible to stop trying to do everything to take care of themselves. It is important that you try to steer them to get the rest they need. Let them know that their health is more important than that extra chore she feels should be completed. Another aspect of this is to protect your wife from committing too much of her time to outside activities. She needs to know that you will be the bad guy and take the blame for her refusal of being the PTA president or whatever.
Honor and Humility
I toyed hard with which of these to include in my list, so I finally decided on both. In my wife’s blog, she hears stories everyday of just how sorry we can be as husbands. Frankly, a lot of times I can only shake my head and think I do not know why their wife should fight for a marriage to that guy. We all want to be respected, but if we can’t serve our husband role and treat our wife as a gift from God I really have a hard time defending us. We need to work on being men that have honor about the way we treat our wife, our family, and our convictions.
We need to be humble leaders. We need to be sure that we are looking out for everyone else in our family’s interests before our own. I have heard way too often about how a husband’s hobbies are what appears to be the most important thing in his life. There are times when your hobby is fine, but if your family needs you your fishing pole needs to be sitting in the shed.
It is ok to admit that you have screwed up sometimes. One of the positive things that I have seen is that husbands are more willing to admit they have failed to do everything that they needed to do far faster than their wife will. The question is, are we learning from our failures and trying to make better decisions and be better husbands in the future. Making your marriage better can start with you. You might have to make a change. You might have to let your wife know that you are attracted to her more often. You might need to keep your relationship happy and light. You might need to make sure that she is taking care of herself. You might need to make sure you are worthy of being respected.