We as women LONG SO MUCH for our husbands to show us love verbally. We want them to say, “I love you” first and initiate deep, emotional, romantic discussions about all the things they love about us. We feel discouraged and gypped when our husbands don’t use words to show us their love.
The problem is – most men aren’t very verbal! Their emotions aren’t tied to their brain’s verbal center the way ours are (His Brain, Her Brain by Dr. Walt Larimore MD). A man’s limbic system (center of emotions in the brain) is actually more intimately tied with the spinal cord.
Husbands usually show love by working to provide for the family and by DOING things. Words don’t mean a lot to them. In fact, to most men, words – without actions backing them up – are worthless. They think they are expressing love much more powerfully by SHOWING it than by saying it. To many men, words are hollow.
I know we sometimes want our men to change so that they will give us what we want and need. But – we can’t change masculinity and we can’t change our husbands. What we can do is appreciate the ways our husbands show us love and look for all the things they do to show their love and interpret their actions towards us in a positive way. Then we can be thankful and grateful for all that our men ARE doing for us instead of resenting them for not saying the things we want them to say.
I love the way words mean so much to women and we represent the church in marriage. The church knows and loves Jesus almost entirely through His Words to us. How amazing that God made wives to hunger and thirst for their husbands’ spoken words of love. How incredible that He provides us with His love letter – the Bible- to hear about His love, and He backed up His Words with selfless, sacrificial action.
I think that – because words don’t do much for men – it is easy for husbands not to even be aware of the incredible, life-giving power that their loving words would have on their wives.
Gentlemen – your words of love, your tenderness, your willingness to connect with us verbally – to listen and to share your heart – these things are POWER TOOLS in your marriage. This is the way to your wife’s heart.
Sending love notes, loving emails, telling your wife you love her with words – the more detail the better – makes your wife feel SO DEEPLY loved and empowers her to respect you much more easily.
Plus – when you share your sincere words of love with your wife – you are demonstrating the love of Christ profoundly. He loved us with actions – YES! But he also loves us with His Word.
Just like believers hunger for the Word of God and His Word is our spiritual food – your wife hungers for your words of love and it is emotional and spiritual food for her that gives her sustenance and strength in your marriage.
I believe her desire to know your love by your words is a God-given desire. She is not wrong to want to hear your words. She is wrong if she tries to force you to give her the words she wants and she is wrong to try to control you and tell you what to do. But her desire to know your heart and be known by you intimately emotionally and spiritually is a God-given desire.
I pray that God will open our husbands’ eyes to the life-giving power of their words of love!
In God’s mercy and grace, He will often allow it to be exposed eventually if we do not expose it ourselves and repent. We may think that secret sin doesn’t hurt anyone. But it does. And it will hurt even more people once it is exposed if we try to keep it hidden. Sin is […]
Photo by Ostap Senyuk on Unsplash I hear from women every so often who want to try to apply biblical marriage principles – like God’s directives for wives – to sexual relationships that are outside of God’s design for marriage between one man and one woman. One of my favorite illustrations of sex is the […]