The Two Things A Husband Can Do That Lead To Peacemaking
We have been looking at Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and specifically at how husbands can show love to their wife. Dr. Eggerichs uses 6 basic areas to express how a husband can do this and they follow the letters C-O-U-P-L-E. We have made it to P which talks about peacemaking. This is my third post on peacemaking.
In this post I would like to give you 2 tips that if put into practice will help you have a peaceful relationship with your wife. We have looked at a good number of things in the last couple of posts but this really simplifies it.
One: Respond with Love and Gentleness
“A gentle, loving answer turns away wrath, especially your wife’s” – Proverbs 15:1
Want to see the worst of people in a church setting? Go to a church business meeting. You can take the smallest of issues and people can get their feelings hurt and potentially respond in anger. It could be the color of the carpet, the Wednesday night supper menu, or what pest exterminator company is being used, but anywhere people can have an opinion it can cause hurt feelings. The times I have been in such situations, the peacemaker was never the person that got up and hollered, got upset, and made the issue personal. It has always been a person that responded to the issue in a gentle, loving manner that shared their view while acknowledging both sides’ viewpoints in a calm way. I have seen certain, usually very respected, individuals that have the ability to do this that seems to turn away wrath. I would say this is good leadership.
Dr. Eggerich explains this in regards to your wife as, “When you show a loving demeanor during a conflict of any kind, you are likely to touch the deepest part of her heart.” The idea is that your wife will be compelled to respond to you in a similar manner. She has an innate desire to react favorably to this approach. Dr. Eggerich says, “A husband cannot outgive a good-willed wife. Good-willed women tend to respond to reasonable, loving, honest requests and will seek ways to be more deferential.”
Two: Confess Your Part of the Blame
“Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” – James 5:16
This one is very simple but very hard at the same time for a husband. This is basically saying, “I’m sorry.” Maybe it is a pride issue or a fear of losing respect, but those words are hard for a guy to say.
Dr. Eggerich adds, “Your motive should never be to confess so she will admit she was wrong, too, but often that is exactly what happens. Women are wired for equality. She will meet you halfway almost every time. This is peacemaking in a woman’s world.”
The problem may be that men may look at confession as words and those don’t hold a lot of weight for guys. A guy wants to see that something has changed or that the words made a difference in someone’s actions. So, we often forget that sincere words of apology are very powerful to a wife and are key ways that she will feel loved by you, trust you, and most importantly, heal. Sincere confession can help her to feel intimate with you and connected in ways we cannot imagine.