Yesterday we talked about the madness associated with a woman’s emotions that creates a barrage of different issues that fight for her attention constantly. Today we will see if there are things that we can do to help her handle the attack.
As a man we can usually delegate our thoughts and emotions to handle them when we have time to. Say for example, we need to load the dishwasher and start it while we are watching a ballgame. We can easily decide that at the next commercial break we will go do the task. We probably do not think about it again until the commercial starts. A woman will think about the need to handle this task until the dishes are started. There is no ability to put aside the task in her mind until there is some resolution of the thought or emotion. She needs to complete the task as much to free up a thought from her head as the accomplishment of the task. We should now be able to understand that when your wife does something that she asked you to do before you get around to it she is trying to free her mind up from the burden of the task. She is not trying to show us up or make us look bad. She is merely trying to get relief.
Jeff Feldhahn uses this example in “For Men Only” to illustrate a relatable feeling that a man could have. Let’s say you just lost your biggest client’s account during the week and your Boss calls you in at 5:00 pm on Friday afternoon and says, “I need to see you in my office first thing on Monday morning!” From that point throughout the weekend, you are probably in a constant state of fear and loathing. Jeff explains that this is very similar to how women feel, “it’s just that their magnitude threshold is far lower than ours.” Things that we are able to ignore or move on from can paralyze your wife’s ability to enjoy a nice time with you.
What are some strategies we can use to help our wives with their emotions?
-Understand that she does not think like you
Just like you need a little time when you get home from work, your wife needs to be able to share all of the things that have accumulated in her head during the day. This could be a long list. Your role is to try to let her talk through these things and listen. These thoughts and emotions are not going to go away so the sooner you make time to let her verbalize her feelings about the day the sooner both of you can enjoy your time together.
–Understand that the issue may not be you, although it may seem like it
I know it is very easy to think, “What did I do this time?” If we can give our wives a chance to express what they are feeling the issue may be resolved just by being able to attentively listen.
-Be proactive in helping your wife resolve her issues
When you realize that an issue is playing on your wife’s Channel 1, you need to try to help her resolve it sooner rather than later. An issue can broadcast for hours or days, so try to take the time as soon as you can to listen to your wife’s concern, give her a hug, or try to give her the reassurance she needs to come to peace with the issue. Also, trying to resolve the issue by asking your wife to ignore or not think about the problem is equivalent to taking the battery out of her remote. It just keeps the issue TV on and the volume only increases. Lastly, if the issue is as easy as taking care of something to give your wife the security of not having to handle the issue, that may be your best choice.
Emotions are so hard for guys to understand. Chances are we rarely show our own emotions without a big fight with our inner self. We throttle our ups and limit our downs. We do this to try to maintain a balance that helps us during each crisis we face. Once we understand how our wives handle their emotions we can approach them with a different perspective that lets us use our logical reasoning to help them enjoy us better.