Valentine’s Day is coming soon. It is a holiday that has largely been pushed into an annual event by Hallmark, candy companies, and florists. The problem for a husband is that if he is doing his job he should be trying to show his wife he loves her all year long. The idea of picking a card out in a busy store, picking out a candy box, or buying expensive roses is usually more of meeting a wife’s expectation of the holiday than showing his true love for his wife. That being said, I am not fully anti-Valentine’s Day. If we can work a holiday to somehow involve good food, then that seems to make it more palatable. So, a nice romantic Valentine’s Dinner Date where you and your spouse could talk and EAT and talk some more and EAT sounds reasonable enough. It is also something we both can enjoy.
What might your wife like from you that will only cost you a little time? A love letter. Now, if you are like me, your fear and dread meter just went back up to the same level as when you read, “Valentine’s Day is coming soon.” I feel exactly the same way. The problem is not that I don’t love my wife, but getting the words out in a way that seem to make sense are extremely hard. The words may make me appear vulnerable or weak. What if I say something that she doesn’t believe or she may hold me to later if I fail? Whenever I try to start my brain just freezes up and I can’t think of anything to write down.
I know as husbands we know we love our wives but we don’t often do a good job of saying that. My wife and I were having a discussion this week when she heard from a wife that had a bunch of great things to say about her husband but had made getting love letters from her husband an idol. I know that words have a very special meaning to women that as a man and husband i have a hard time of understanding, but sometimes that passion can get a little extreme. For a husband, the dread of trying to express our love for our wife in a way that allows us to be honest and vulnerable without sounding too feminine can create a huge case of writer’s block. I told my wife the other night that for a husband it would be so much easier for his wife to give him a big block of stone that he could chisel and mold into a representation of his love for his wife than putting his feelings of love in a letter. Let me build something. Let me fix something. I do that well.
Luckily for me, we don’t try to put too much emphasis on the card store holidays at our house. We try to find time to talk with each other often and enjoy almost weekly times where we are able to go out and enjoy time as just a couple at a restaurant. There is not a lot of pressure about getting roses, chocolate, or even a card. In fact, we most often may choose to forgo going out around Valentine’s and just pick something up good at the grocery store that we can fix at home to avoid the Valentine’s crush at restaurants. I am so blessed that my wife understands that I love her even when I do not always do the best at saying that.
How do we write the love letter our wife most desires? Luckily for you, I asked my wife to write a sample love letter that would be the love letter she would desire to receive. I am hoping this can be a model for you to write your own letter for your wife. I have it listed below.
To my Amazing Wife,
I remember how nervous and excited I was when I planned exactly how I would ask you to marry me. How that ring burned in my pocket, how I could hardly wait to see your delight and joy when I asked you to be my wife. You were the most beautiful girl in the world to me – I just knew that I had to have you for my own. The way your eyes sparkled and your smile lit up the whole room and the way you looked at me – like I was Superman – I was in heaven any time I was with you. Your personality was magnetic. You were so kind, compassionate and loving – and the way you treated me with such admiration made me feel like the luckiest man on the planet.
I loved you then, and I love you even more now. You are even more beautiful to me today than on the day we got married (only say this if you mean it, guys!). I love watching you grow in your faith in Christ. I love watching the way you take such good care of our children. I love seeing you come run to meet me and welcome me home after work every day. I love the way you like to flirt with me and how you make time to be with me and just relax and enjoy me. Thank you for accepting me and not trying to change me. Thank you for seeing the best in me. I love the way your eyes light up when I walk in the room still. I love the way your heart skips a beat when you know we are going to get some time together just to talk. I love knowing your heart. I love hearing about what matters to you. I love praying for you and our family. I am honored to be your husband. You are truly a gift from God. My life is so much better because you are here with me.
With all my love and all my heart,
Seems easy enough. Read and write your own personal experience into your own letter. I decided to try it below and see if it could be done.
I knew from the moment that I first met you that I wanted you in my life. Your bright blue eyes and beaming smile made you irresistible to me. I loved all of the many long phone conversations, fun dates, standing by the car before going home, concerts, and experiences we had while we were dating. I always felt like I had won a huge prize to be able to be by your side at every occasion. Every place we went was better because you were with me.
Having the pleasure of you as my bride has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have not always been the best of husbands, but you have stood by me in good times and bad. As we have been married these almost 22 years, you have continued to be the biggest star in the Universe to me. I can’t imagine anyone else but you being by my side. As we have learned to show the kinds of love and respect that we each need, I have gained a new understanding of how awesome God’s design for marriage could be. Your love for me has made me a better man. You have helped me be the leader over our family and given me the confidence to be God’s servant to you. I thank you for your faith and your love for God. I thank you for your desire to help other women love their husbands with the love of God. I love to see how your ministry is changing marriages in a way that is eternal and everlasting.
I am so proud of you as a mother to our two kids. You are so good at looking after their needs and instilling in them a knowledge of Jesus’ love, grace, and salvation. They love every moment you spend with them and long for times when you will cuddle with them.
Thanks for going on this wonderful journey with me. You give my life purpose. You still are the girl of my dreams and all I could have ever hoped for. Who would have thought that after 2 kids and 22 years of marriage you would be in the best shape of your life? I marvel at your determination to be awesome in all aspects of your life. I know that whatever you set your mind to is obtainable and I admire your unquenchable spirit.
I still love the feel of your kiss. I still love the bond of your hug. I still love the relaxation of your massage. Thank you for loving me for who I am and treating me like a King.
I love you with all of my heart.
Now, it is your turn. If I can do it I am sure you can as well. It does not have to be this long or it can be longer, just let your heart be your guide. And besides, it could save you anywhere from $3-$6 dollars for that card that doesn’t really say how you really feel anyway.